My teen years and college age were spent mainly living on the streets, up and down the east coast. I am not 53 yet. That should be enough, as my age and my identity are unimportant. I am the sales clerk with the odd stare at the store, the well dressed man you pass on the street, the panhandler begging for scraps, I have walked all of these paths and more. The only difference is I have stepped out of the light and into a place you may eventually see for yourself. But know you have been warned.
You think you know fear? True horror? You feel a passing thrill as your heart accelerates, your adrenaline floods your muscles making them quiver and cramp. You call that fear and are content at the description. Where my heart and mind reside, only the mad, the desperate or the foolish tread, and I no longer even know which I am anymore. I suppose it no longer really matters
But I can see now.
It has cost so much, and I have paid for it. I see that true fear does not end, that would be far too easy. I know horror, as the sense of something crawling into your soul and dying there, rotting inside you day by day, corrupting everything you hold dear by your mere proximity.
But I understand now.
Not completely as I wish, but far more than I ever wanted to. There is a reason you cling to the light, why you naturally avoid the shadows, and I know it. I understand what pulls people to the edge, and I know what it requires to step over it. All this and much, much more. I am human, I am male, and I walk where you ponder. I can advise you on your own journey, but listen well: once you experience true darkness, there is no going back to the comfort of the light, no way to unsee what you have witnessed, and nowhere to hide from the fact that the choice was yours.
Some of you will believe me, some will not, and a few will dare to delve deeper. When you can see the truth of my words, and see the deeper truth beneath them, you will face your own choice at the edge. I advise you to choose well.
I will be waiting.