On Curiosity
My teen years and college age were spent mainly living on the streets, up and down the east coast. I am not 53 yet. That should be enough, as my age and my identity are unimportant. I am the sales clerk with the odd stare at the store, the well dressed man you pass on the street, the panhandler begging for scraps, I have walked all of these paths and more. The only difference is I have stepped out of the light and into a place you may eventually see for yourself. But know you have been warned.
You think you know fear? True horror? You feel a passing thrill as your heart accelerates, your adrenaline floods your muscles making them quiver and cramp. You call that fear and are content at the description. Where my heart and mind reside, only the mad, the desperate or the foolish tread, and I no longer even know which I am anymore. I suppose it no longer really matters
But I can see now.
It has cost so much, and I have paid for it. I see that true fear does not end, that would be far too easy. I know horror, as the sense of something crawling into your soul and dying there, rotting inside you day by day, corrupting everything you hold dear by your mere proximity.
But I understand now.
Not completely as I wish, but far more than I ever wanted to. There is a reason you cling to the light, why you naturally avoid the shadows, and I know it. I understand what pulls people to the edge, and I know what it requires to step over it. All this and much, much more. I am human, I am male, and I walk where you ponder. I can advise you on your own journey, but listen well: once you experience true darkness, there is no going back to the comfort of the light, no way to unsee what you have witnessed, and nowhere to hide from the fact that the choice was yours.
Some of you will believe me, some will not, and a few will dare to delve deeper. When you can see the truth of my words, and see the deeper truth beneath them, you will face your own choice at the edge. I advise you to choose well.
I will be waiting.
December 2, 2008 at 4:07 AM
Blank. These will never be more than an interesting read, nor should they be anything more. I would no more believe the things I read here than anything from my pile of fictional books, or rather maybe, something written in a dodgy tabloid.
It’s interesting none the less.
December 2, 2008 at 5:00 AM
Nukey isn’t actually around at the moment, but seeing as I have his account, I wanted to reply to this based on my observation of him. I personally can’t say I know that sort of fear, even if I do lead a relatively abnormal life by his side.
The way he gets sometimes, when he throws fits and carries out bizarre self-harm rituals and when he starts speaking nonsense or drinking heavily and shooting up and all that, I think he does it because he’s lost in this vague obscure darkness you speak of, Blank. Sometimes when he gets more serious, and I’m talking to a completely different side of him, he almost seems to make sense. I mean, the stupid Satanic stuff he always goes on about only sounds plausible when he gets really serious.
His rare moments of lucidity are never quite as insightful as I’d like them to be, but they do shed light on a few things from time to time. I try to translate his words to what I think he means as well as I can, and I like to think my ability to figure out what he’s thinking is what keeps me employed like this.
I know this is going to sound dumb, but he’s far less coherent without me bridging the barrier here. I almost wonder if you can somehow help him out a little, Blank. I’m hoping that at least the knowledge that he’s not alone in the world will calm him down. Any other wisdom you have will be well received, perhaps more so by him than anyone else who reads these entries.
Cyberspace is full of meaningless crap, but wouldn’t it be nice to give it something important?
Anyway, I’m done rambling now, and since Adam isn’t here this would be a great chance for me to catch up on MY life.
~Pocky
December 2, 2008 at 5:24 AM
I close my eyes…all I can see is the void. I open them, and still the abyss engulfs my visions, no matter what meaningless shapes and colours flicker in front of them. I have a theory on horror, Blank. Horror is the rare sense you get that you are not the only thing in the room, so to speak. I believe the Darkness has its own sentience, its own plan for the us, and its own agents for carrying out its will. It cannot be seen by us, oh no, but it can see us…and I doubt it likes what it observes.
December 2, 2008 at 5:42 AM
WEYL: Belief of something you read here simply because someone says it, I would agree, is fairly unwise. There is truth in every post I write, but they are truths from my path. Your path, I imagine, offers a distinctly different view, and different truths, though they would be as unhelpful to me as mine are to you. Even if we never see eye to eye, I can accept being an interesting way to pass the time.
Pocky: He is not alone. As for offering something important, or some wisdom, as I just expressed, it is in the eye of the beholder. Every path offers insight, even if it’s just “Wow, this is a really boring path”, if you look for it. If it doesn’t suit him, then he can move to another. Even subtle shifts in how you perceive something can drastically affect how you experience it.
Atropos: There is always a plan, there are always agents intent on making you see only what they wish you to see. If this is true in the mainstream world, I imagine the darkness is no different.
December 3, 2008 at 2:19 AM
Do you wish you could unlearn what you now know? Was it worth experiencing the unknown? Do you consider it to be your salvation or your damnation? I won’t say I’m not curious about the Dark, but I won’t say I’m not hesitant either. Right now it seems that the few that have gone deeper than the surface are not happy about their decision.
Simply stated; I wonder these things because I myself am torn. I’m afraid. I have this desire to find that there’s more to this world than I can see, but I also have this fear of a suffering not known to most human beings that I would not normally experience. I won’t lie, it scares the hell out of me.
December 3, 2008 at 10:54 PM
Hello there, Blank. I’ve recently made myself more acquainted with the stories of fear and the unknown which seem to circulate the internet, and after hearing of Mr. Welldone I’ve taken my time to find what information he has given, and I have also read what you have written, seeing as how you are bringing a glimpse into the darkness in lieu of Mr. Welldone himself.
However, I am a man of facts. Though I have experienced what seems to be the things you describe, haven’t we all at least once, I simply write it off as a hallucination, a glitch in my brain, or something born of my imagination because what I experienced has not been proven as possible. It may be that we have not discovered the origin of these phenomena, but the lack of proof leaves me questioning. I would like to believe the things you set before me, but I am skeptical.
Perhaps you can bring me to believe in the darkness that seems to consume you?
December 6, 2008 at 2:20 AM
darkness or light. is there no other alternative? i do not feel like i belong in either.
December 6, 2008 at 10:55 AM
Who said anything about light?
Gray area is all over the fricken place.
December 6, 2008 at 6:03 PM
To say nothing of gray matter…
December 8, 2008 at 2:54 AM
i am sorry nukey. you seem to have misunderstood my question.
i was not asking if i could be somewhere in between. i meant if there was something other than the gray area. perhaps a chartreuse area or periwinkle.
December 8, 2008 at 3:28 AM
Ah yes, the secrets of the Dark are pittances on the cosmic scale, compared to those of the Chartreuse.
December 8, 2008 at 2:58 PM
Right, how could I have not thought of that.
In my opinion, color makes no difference. It’s just a wavelength frequency.
You are what you are. You don’t need permission to not fit in.
I mean, does it really matter? Nothing ever really belongs anywhere, that would imply some kind of ultimate order, of which there is none.
December 8, 2008 at 6:44 PM
Hello, Nukey.
Well spoken.
December 11, 2008 at 5:47 PM
I quote you, Blank:
“And that is the biggest reason most start thier path to places like this. To face it on our feet instead of waiting for it to swallow us whole.”
I have already been taken in by its embraces.
December 14, 2008 at 3:42 PM
i feel this thrall, this mediation of angusih and despair. no god has control over me; i’ve tasted this place. the wisdom of old ones, the ones that came before us. the key to it all; yet it makes some mad and others perfect. this jaded sense of the wolrd is sense of the tao, but naught. i am part of it , and it is part of me.
December 25, 2008 at 9:05 PM
No offense Blank, but since Mr Welldone left, trolls have gotten in and the conversations have sort of stagnated. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I used to find the discussions every bit as interesting as the original article. That is no longer the case.
I am depressed.
December 25, 2008 at 9:44 PM
Hello.
I concur, though I think Blank is not entirely at fault. Conversations are generally maintained by more than one individual, and it seems such individuals willing to discuss the nature of the unknown are rather rare of late.
Those comments which I have deemed irrelevant have been removed.
I shall return shortly.
December 27, 2008 at 1:52 PM
i am interested in your progress.
news reports have been a bit more disturbing lately. i was wondering if you had anything to do with it.
December 28, 2008 at 3:46 AM
Been a while since ive been here. Life has been good these last months. Quit smoking, got a girlfriend, and a fun job. Interesting to see Mr. Welldone giving the bulletin power to Blank, but things dont seem much different. I was walking home the other night and passed by this park. Now I have lived in my city since I was 4, I know all the parks around here, but something about it spooked me. Could have been some fear of the dark, being tired and cold, or some demon lurking beyond my vision. The end result was me shuffling home, then remembering this here web board. The point of this post though, is really for my benefit. To give me a reason to keep coming back. To never forget that the good things happening to me are only one part of the infinite picture. Glad to see you still up and running, and I look forward to participating.
December 28, 2008 at 6:14 PM
Hello.
ggg. The actions one takes have manifold effects on one’s surroundings that are beyond the scope of the human mind to comprehend. Simply put, I have something to do with everything.
Jack. Your presence here makes me quite glad as well.
December 30, 2008 at 5:20 PM
In a response to Mr Welldone’s response to my earlier comment:
I in no shape or form intended to blame Blank for this lack of, well, whatever it is that keeps me coming back for more. It’s just that you seem to project an aura of seriousness and disgust that noone seems to be able to duplicate. I do not blame Blank, I just do not see him as an equal substitute to you.
January 3, 2009 at 4:44 AM
i think you discount blank a bit noone. he has his style and the esteemed mr. welldone has his. neither of them should be taken lightly.
January 9, 2009 at 11:04 PM
Welldone, you devil!
I have just stumbled upon the most interesting enlightenment. You, Mr.Welldone, are the dark one, the destroyer of worlds, the perverter of minds, correct?
Because by all means if I am wrong, do stop me. In fact, I implore you to do so. None the less, I digress, and I do apologize for the rhyme it was completely unintentional.
Anywho, if you are this great mythical disturbance, where in the worlds are you finding the time to write a blog?
My sincerest apologies if you are truly who you say you are, but somehow i find that hard to believe.
The Fealty
January 11, 2009 at 6:26 PM
Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t he outright state that at some point?
January 28, 2009 at 12:03 AM
I have some questions. From what I have read, I feel as if you are encouraging the masses into the Darkness because you find that the actions called “Dark” or “Evil” hold the same moral weight as any other action. The post where you ask why a person lives is quite indicative on this.
Do you take an agnostic approach to everything, Mr. Welldone? I mean, does anything have possibility?
Is there ever proof? If I have seen an experiment be conducted a billion times, am I to assume it will always happen? Is that what you do?
Would your motivation be this lack of proof? Do you encourage people to search for the darkness because you believe in a moral relativism of sorts? Do you believe there is no such thing as darkness and evil? Is killing someone just as good an action as feeding them so they may last an extra day?
If my observations in the first paragraph are correct, then is the fiction in your writing not fiction at all? Instead, is it a method of encouraging a person to accept an alternative view of reality? Do you justify this through your belief in equal validity of all points of view?
I will not be pretentious enough to expect answers. I do not care for answers either. I will believe what I like. I do not expect to be right either.
February 8, 2009 at 6:54 PM
Blank.
Mr. Welldone.
I have a lot to share with you now that I have finally found you.
It seems I share some unusual traits with the both of you.
If either of you have the time, I have quite a few things that need to be discussed. I have created an email account just for this. Please send me a message, either of you, if you have the time.
If the time is right.
February 9, 2009 at 5:40 PM
it has been a while since blank or mr. welldone has posted anything. have we been abandoned? or are we being forced to find our own paths in the dark.
February 10, 2009 at 5:13 PM
This is a message for Mr. Welldone, and for yourself, Blank.
I am coming for you.
The Darkness is not something to be trifled with, and by steeping these… humans in the void, little by little, you will bring about The End.
I cannot allow that. Humankind was not created to see such things, to experience such horror, to taste such power.
Your destruction will be swift and just.
Yours,
Hela Dowelle
February 10, 2009 at 6:06 PM
Hello.
ggg. Blank has been removed from this domain for his inability to care for this site while I was among humanity.
Rest assured, I have returned.
Hela Dowelle. You are not the first, and you are so very far from the last. I welcome you with open arms to your own insignificant End.
Do well?
You will most certainly not.
February 11, 2009 at 12:45 AM
Dear Mr. Welldone,
Please contact me at the listed e-mail address.
We have matters to discuss.
Yours,
Hela Dowelle
February 12, 2009 at 6:32 PM
Shame about Blank I suppose, I kind of liked reading what he had to say.
But if he wasn’t up to the job for whatever reason, it’s probably for the best.
So, I’m wondering if your venture went well for you, what ever you were doing.
February 14, 2009 at 3:42 AM
i hope his removal was not the kind that left a stain. it is for the best i suppose.
February 17, 2009 at 1:22 PM
Such an interesting turn of events.
Unexpected but certainly not unforeseen.
At least I have thrown my hat into the ring.
I’m unusually delighted by this recent turn of events…
April 28, 2009 at 1:24 PM
Hello, Mr. Welldone.
Many imagine horror and darkness as a sum of their pitiful fears. Something unexpected happened in my life. Now I envy the dead, while enjoying my life. I know some people must die to free me, and I don’t want them to die, while my urge for freedom becomes unbearable. I wonder if I got closer to your meaning of horror?
Yours, Dot.
May 1, 2009 at 7:30 PM
Dot. Tell me more of your horror. Tell me.